Chaos Vs Order
by Justice4243
Summary: A prequel of sorts to The Wheel and the Butterfly Saga. Can be read on its own. Discord recounts his exploits as a newly formed being, provides insights into his motivation, and talks about one of the greatest foes he faced while he ruled Equestria over a millennium ago. Cover art used with permission from possim.
1. Chapter 1

Chaos Vs. Order

Chapter 1: In the beginning…

So, finally everyone wants to sit and listen to what uncle Discord has to say? _Hmmph_, took you all long enough… I…

Yes, Pinkie, you may call me 'Uncle Disco', if you like…

…Yes, fine. 'Uncky Dissi is fine, too.

…

_Sigh…_ Could someone…?

…

Well, I was hoping you'd maybe actually _gag_ her, but I guess holding her mouth closed will do for now. Thank you.

Alright, story time, _or_ rather _more_ passive aggressive indignation that you're only _now_ all coming to me.

…

Oh, _spare me_ your groans and eye rolls! Had you any of you made a habit of coming to talk to me about the past, or even at _all_, you probably would have heard all this by now.

…

Alright, _yes _Fluttershy. You _do_ talk to me, but I think you'd find most my stories a tad _too_ frightening on your own to let me finish. Still, you do have a point. At least _one_ of you has made an effort to befriend me…

Oh, don't give me that look princess, you of all ponies know full well you should have come to me sooner.

_Still_, I suppose it's all water under the bridge and I should just forgive you. That's what us friends do, right? Forgive and forget? Let the past stay in the past, _hmmm_…?

Well, except when the past comes back to haunt you, of course… I suppose that's as good of note as any to begin.

_Hmmm…_ On second thought, this might take a while, so you might want to get some snacks… Ah, yes… Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Spike… Applejack? Good, good…

…

Now be patient princess, let's just wait for them.

…

Alright, everyone comfortable? Good. Anyone need to use the little pony's room before we start? Alright, good.

So, creation stories. Epic and fantastical explanations of the beginning of entire worlds or the cosmos even. They often begin one of two ways: At the great start of it all there was nothing, or there was nothing but chaos.

…_Sigh…_ What is it now?

'Not that far back?' Look I _told_ you this might take a while!

Alright, so if her 'royal too purpleness' is _done_ being a royal pain, I'll continued.

As I mentioned, creation stories usually start with either _nothing_ or _chaos. Any_ guesses as to which I prefer?

…

_Ha! _I knew you'd all say that. No, in fact I find complete nothing and complete chaos _equally_ as boring. Of course _nothing_ is self-explanatory, but nothing but chaos is just as uninteresting. While maximum entropy gives us absolutely no action, perfect disorder allows for no distinction, no definition.

No, it is only in the contrast of order and disorder that one can define change, can define chaos.

So, perhaps there was nothing in the very beginning, but for _my_ beginning there was only chaos. I have no idea how long this perfect disorder lasted. How could I? There was simply nothing to measure time by, nothing predictable anyhow.

Eventually, this perfect disorder waned and finally _something_ tangible began to form out of the endlessly swirling energy and magics of chaos. Only then was I even cognitive that there was an '_I'. _Until that point there was simply no contrast to anything, and it was impossible to know where I began or ended.

Soon, other tiny amounts of something formed and those tiny amounts joined to form larger amounts of something, and…

…

_What? _**No**, I can't be '_more specific_'! I had just barely formed a sense of self! All I knew was there was something _not_ chaos and I was _not it!_ _Now_, if you'll be so kind as to let me continue…

After some time I found I could affect these '_somethings_'. I could move them further or closer together. Rearrange them in relationship to one another, for these little somethings where still all I had to give any definition to anything, including myself. In time, I discovered I could even create them from the seemingly endless mass of chaos itself, at first I could only create a temporary facsimile of them that existed as long as I continually willed it. In time, I discovered how to create them permanently, though I could somehow feel my power diminish each time I did. Not a pleasant feeling.

Still, it seems I was never a fan of waiting for things to happen, and often times this sacrifice of power to exert _real_, _permanent _change seemed worth it. Funny now to think I had a claw or paw or indefinable tendril of chaos in the making of the world itself.

As time went on these 'somethings' would become 'something elses', distinguishable types of matter from one another. I found I could change myself between these different forms, or even turn myself into combinations of these various forms. As interesting at the time this distractions was, I would always revert back to formless energy after a while. Even with all the myriad somethings and something elses that would form, each one or all of them would only hold my interest for so long. Their patterns where simply too predictable. In time, I found my own meddling tiresome, able to predict with absolute certainty what my influence would do.

No, it would be _eons_ before, either by chance, or perhaps some unseen influence that was beyond my understanding, something interesting, something with a will of its own, something I could not predict would appear.

…

_Life? _Not quite. At least, not at its most basic level. While early life was certainly more interesting to watch, and even more fun to duplicate and experience, it was still far too predictable to be considered interesting, at least interesting compared to what lied ahead.

No, life had to develop further. Into creatures complex enough to hold my interest. Creatures that would react in new and unexpected ways if I say… turned the water directly in front of them to solid stone, or change the ground they were walking on into more water. Sometimes these creatures would flail or scuttle in confusion at the sudden change in their world. On rarer occasions they would do almost nothing, and seemed to calmingly adjust or accept their fate, as if accepting what little reality they had perceived and sorted out patterns of was simply not quite as they had expected, and this was merely another new experience. Then again, maybe these ones where just simply too undeveloped to process their sudden change in environment.

Who knows? I could never figure it out as these things continued to change, each one often responding ever so slightly different to similar situations. Variances even, as I would eventually come to recognize, beyond the species level. Individual entities all capable of their own decisions and unique reactions to different situations.

Unmistakably, this is when my love of chaos first originated. The skills I had spent untold eons developing were spent getting new reactions out of these, admittedly primitive, creatures. And almost any time not spent changing the world of any I came across was spent coming up with new and inventive ways to illicit responses. All in the hope I would see something new, something I hadn't expected.

In time my obsession grew to the point where I felt I would do _anything_ to better understanding why these things could and would act differently. I would transform myself into one of them. Even going so far as to acting just like one of their kind, or at least, as well as I could gather from my observations. Yet I still could not fully predict or even understand why some would act the way they did when presented with something that should have been beyond their understanding.

I lost count, or perhaps never even took count, of all the creatures I've been. In time I would find favorite traits of certain creatures and combine them in fun and amusing ways. Even going so far as to pick favorite combinations and even settle on one as my very favorite into something new and exciting would come along and cause me to change a limb, tentacle, or tendril.

Eventually being one thing or another, or even a combination of many became the norm, and I spent less and less time as a being of pure energy. Limiting as it was, being a material _thing_, even if it was a combination of things, seemed more natural and I began to loathe the tedium of having to even _subconsciously _will myself to remain in a corporeal state.

And so, one day when I was probably a mass of eyes, tentacles, and deep-sea creature claws, I sacrificed an enormous amount of power to stay that way… Well, until I felt like changing something else on _'me', _but that was easy enough. The point is, the change to a corporeal being, though still one which could maintain an enormous amount of control over his immediate surroundings, could never be undone. At least, not without spending lots of time and energy to sort out how to reverse the change.

Miss it? No not at all. I can say with absolute honesty that the trade off, even the severe limiting of my power, was easily worth it. You see, I was searching for something without knowing at the time. Something my formless existence could never grant me. And that thing was a sense of self beyond simply figuring out what I was not. I wanted to figure out what I _was_. Even if I only had the imagination to be what I had already seen, at least I could be the _best_ of what I had seen.

Anyways, the world would continue to change and the things that lived on it would do as well. For my part, I was more than happy to bear witness to the change and even change with it.

_OH_ the wonders I could tell you all about! The books I could write about your history, of beings learning how to use tools or magic for the first time! The gaps in your science I can fill, but _won't_ because Twilightis currently making a face that I wouldn't trade for _anything_ in the world.

_Hahahaha_… Oh the obsession you ponies have with wanting to know the past… I lived, or at least _existed_ through pretty much all of it, and I can assure you the past is never as interesting what lies ahead… You know… unless you're going so spent a thousand years as a statue or something like that…

So, time went on and life become more interesting, for me and for the creatures around me. Of course I helped in keeping things interesting. Molding and perfecting new and exiting ways to change the world and watching those around me adjust or try to adjust as best they could.

You see, good chaos, like good art, requires finesse and attention to detail. I spent many _millennium_ perfecting the art of chaos. Learning when to be subtle at times and much more forceful at others.

Oh sure, I could turn the air in everypony's lungs here to taffy and as exquisite as the chaos would be that would come from that act, it would be rather short lived, and pure, blinding panic is such an absurdly easy emotional response to elicit.

No, too much chaos and everyone around simply flees or, breaks down in tears, or throws themselves at your… well, whatever things serve to keep you upright at the time. Predictable, _boring _responses when a being accepts something so cataclysmic has happened they simply give up.

It's in the perfect balance of change to what is already there does one see truly fascinating responses. The desire to set things back the way they were, or an attempt to exist in this strange, new world where trees take offense to their fallen branches being used for firewood, or even the occasionally positive response from those who seem to enjoy my little changes.

For instance, let's say the furniture around you suddenly came to life and wanted to pay you back for all those years of being sat and led upon!

…

There you see! An amazing and varied display of responses. While some panic and cower, others fight back physically or insult the newly-made living furniture! And then we have the odd one who seems to be enjoying this new turn of event.

…

Oh, have it your way, spoil sport. Boring, static furniture it is…

…

…for now.

It was through these little tricks I discovered, or rather _decided,_ what my role in this world would be. I would introduce disorder and _chaos_ to places that were simply too orderly… too predictable… too _dreadfully_ boring. True, many did not appreciate my granting deliverance from the mundanely orderly nature of their lives, but that was part of the fun! Seeing beings go through mazes and all kinds of physical and psychological tests just so they could have an audience with little ol' Discord. Many would come to fight, some to talk, some would try one first, then the other when their plan 'A' would inevitably fall through. The best was when one or more beings showed up with something they were _sure_ would overpower me.

Of course they were right once…

Which brings me to my _favorite_ species of all, ponies. No species has ever been so simultaneously good at striking a balance with its surroundings yet equally good at disturbing that balance of the tiniest, most inconsequential things…

…

Oh my, no, I didn't mean _only_ mean the tiny differences between your three races. Though the differences _are_ so very slight in the grand scheme of the world, that it is a pretty laughable reason for you ponies to almost let your entire species go extinct.

No, I meant little things like a little visit from your future self causing a panic, or concerns over a self-imposed letter sending schedule nearly destroying a town.

…

_Hahahahahahehehehe…_ Sorry Princess, but you are just _too_ much fun to tease.

Anyhow, these little episodes of ponies wrecking their own precious tranquility had made them nearly as fun to watch as to mess with. Is it any wonder that I chose them to share in the endless joys of chaos?

…

Well of _course_ it wasn't always appreciated! That was part of the fun! Ponies always knocking on my door, braving gravity run amuck, and even massive, trap filled landscapes to come and see me!

I suppose these finally brings me to the start of my story. For it was likely one such pony, or his _weapon_ rather, that set things in motion.

This intrepid young pony was named Whiplash, a brown earth pony with a fiery red mane who braved a castle I had created just _full_ of fun little distractions and challenges to get to me.

After floors and floors of challenges, he stood before me in my dark and foreboding throne room. Enchanted whip wrapped around his foreleg as he readied to do battle with me.

"Die monster. You don't belong in this world!"

I swirled a goblet full of chocolate milk and smirked back at him. "It was not by my claw I was once again given flesh. I was brought here by ponies who wished to be me tribute!"

"Tribute!? You steal pony's souls, and make them your slaves!"

"Perhaps the same could be said of all rulers…"

"Your words are as empty as your soul! Pony ill needs a savior such as you!"

"What is a Pony? A miserable little pile of—"

…

_What?!_ Stolen?! You wound me, now where could I have possibly—

…

Alright, party pooper. You got me. I may have embellished the exchange a bit. However it's only because Whiplash was a bit of a dim bulb. Fun to run through the odd maze of chaos and molasses swamp, but when he finally got to me what he said was anything but interesting…

"You're going down, Discord!" He cried dramatically as he galloped into my throne room.

I sighed from my throne. _"…That's it_? You spend hours trudging the honey, dodging trebuchet launched squids, and listening to dolls singing the same repetitive song over and over again and that's the best you could come up with?!" I slump down to the point where I'm a puddle on the floor, only my eyes and mouth distinguishable from a brown mass. "I was hoping you'd have time to come up with _something_ interesting to say or _at least_ have gone half mad. You didn't even compliment my decorating job!" Truth be told, I also embellished the part about the throne room being dark. In addition to my large, and imposing throne, the room had massive spiraling columns and long patchwork drapes created form every color I could imagine, and even a few I couldn't. It was also rather well lit with candles that bared my likeness lining the walls.

"Your tricks won't work on me, Discord!" Whiplash said.

I bubble up into a column of gelatinous goo and then solidify back to my ol', Draconequus self. I folded my arms in front of my chest. "You've said that one."

"I've braved _everything_ you've thrown at me and now I'm going to take you out!"

I puffed a gust of air up, blowing my eyebrows off my face briefly. "Said that one, too!" I replied in a bored tone as my eyebrows drifted back into place.

"You'll pay for giving the broccoli on my family's farm the ability to run away!"

I roled my eyes and slumped back into my throne. "You've _also _said that one…" I pause to stroke my beard ponderously as I stare of at the ceiling. "Though, I suppose that's my fault for not coming up with some new way to keep you on the tips of your hooves." I grinned mischievously at Whiplash "Besides, you should be thanking me! I'm sure dinner is much more rewarding when you have to _catch_ it!"

Whiplash unwrapped his whip from his forearm. "CATCH THIS!" he cried before he took his whip into his mouth.

I purse my lips slightly as I glance away. "Well that's new at least." I produce a large sheet that reads '5' on it. "There! You're on the board!" I motion to a large score board across the room where I add place a '5' to the side marked visitors. The home team was winning by a landslide at this point, incase anypony was wondering.

"Happy?" I ask.

Whiplash responds by quickly whipping his head back, which causes his whip to whip back, then he brings it forward.

"I'm supposed to catch this, right?" I say with a smirk as I catch the tip of Whiplash's whip in the grip of my eagle claw. The whip cracked loudly as my claw closed around it.

To my surprise, Whiplash had brought something new. His weapon inflicted a pain I had never know, and I mean beyond injury to my flesh and bone, such that it is. As powerful as I am, my physical body _is_ susceptible to certain undesirable stimuli such as injury or even special types of illnesses. Though with my magic and control of my body usually only surprise attacks are considered painful, and even then I severed appendage or head can make for make for some pretty good entertainment…

…

_Heh heh…_ In any case, my claw went numb and fell limp at my side which was problematic since it was my snapping claw.

Of course my magic works fine for the most part without my snapping claw, but I admit this new, strange sensation threw me for a loop. I had never once in my existence encountered something that posed an actual threat to me.

I decided I needed to learn more.

"My, my. _Somepony_ has been a busy boy!" I said as I expertly dodged is next strike. "Tell me which wise and _powerful_ wizard created such a tool."

"_IW'LL TWELL YWOU WWHEN YBORE DWEAD!" _Whiplash cried through the whip in his mouth.

"What?!" I replied as I twisted my head up, upside-down, and out of the way of his next blow. "You'll tell me when I'm dead?! How is _that_ going to—"

…

What? You're really _that_ surprised that my first brush with potential defeat, and possibly a mortality I had not even considered until then seems to have barely phased me?

_Sigh_… Alright, **fine**! I admit my reaction was far from dignified. Though, in my defense, Whiplash _often_ forgot there was a whip in his mouth and tried to talk anyway. As I said, 'dim bulb'.

Whiplash quickly wrapped the bottom of the whip around his forearm and stood on his back legs as he snapped his whip as high it would go. I flinched and shifted my body up, desperate to avoid another sting that might further nullify my power.

"GET DOWN FROM THERE!" he cried as he stared up at me.

"NO! THROW AWAY THE WHIP!" I replied as I clung to the top of the patchwork drapes I had arranged around my throne room.

"WHY WOULD I THROW AWAY THE WEAPON I CAME HERE TO DEFEAT YOU WITH?!" Whiplash shouted back up at me.

"Well fine then!" I cried. "I'm just not coming down _ever_!" I cried as I attempted to climb the drapes further.

Whiplash glared up at me. "I can wait!"

"You have to _eat_ sometime!" I cried back.

Whiplash grinned up at me. "Oh, I'm quite full. How do you think I got through the room of tapioca pudding?"

My eyebrows lifted a few feet of my face. "You _ate_ your way through that room?! There was several thousand gallons of pudding in there!"

Whiplash smiled proudly. "Not no more, there ain't."

"I don't believe you!" I say as I point my talon limply out. "_Whoa_…" The act nearly sends me to the floor. I quickly clamber back up as best I can.

"Why don't you come down and see for yourself?"

I pause and ponder this slightly. "… Alright, I'm _not _coming down, but I'm going to give you an '8' for at least making me think about it… as _soon_ as the feeling comes back to my talon."

Whiplash frowned back up at me. "You know what? No!"

"Fine!" I exclaim. "More points for me!"

In an almost unimaginable display of intelligence, Whiplash clamped his teeth around the bottom of the drapes and began to pull.

"Wait! What are you doing!?" I cried as the drapes began to shake.

"_Twafing fwou dow!_" Whiplash announced through a mouthful of drape.

I definitely have to give Whiplash and the pony who helped him credit. The ways I could have easily and immediately solved my crisis were literally without end. However the thought that I was vulnerable, that I could somehow be dispatched had my mind as numb as my talon and I instead held on tight to the drapes as if the quickly ripping material would somehow protect me from a pony with a magic whip and vendetta.

With a few more pulls the drapes gave way, taking me with them… Right on_ top_ of Whiplash.

I scrambled to get away from him as he flailed under the drapes and pulled them off himself. I suppose I should be thankful that thinking wasn't Whiplash's strong suit. A clever pony would have thought to step to the side and strike me down as I hit the ground.

Whiplash pulled the patchwork drapes off of him and quickly located his weapon. He leaned his head down and took it in his mouth. "Ywourr wien owff twerrwor ewnds nwow!" He began galloping towards me.

I slapped my lion's paw hard against the floor and Whiplash suddenly sank, whip and all.

"Thanks for reminding me I could turn the floor into pudding," I said with a smirk followed by a quick salute with my paw.

"Hwey!" Whiplash cried.

It was then that I noticed something curious. Maybe it was the fact that the whip was so close, or the fact that I was now aware of it and thinking a little more clearly, but it was as if I could feel the pudding around it disappear or rather turn back into air. No doubt due to the room and, in fact, the castle itself being nothing more than an elaborate construct of my thoughts. It's possible the whip itself made Whiplash's harrowing trip through my castle easier, and even quite possible he hadn't noticed.

I began to concentrate on the whip, or rather… understand that the act was somehow impossible for me. While I could clearly see and _feel_ the item, it seemed impossible for me to grab it with my thoughts or magic. It was as if the item didn't exist for me at some level and was a whip shaped hole in reality itself. I would have dwelled upon this more except Whiplash did something rather unexpected.

"_OM NOM NOM NOM…"_

"Are you _eating_ the pudding floor I just made?!" I cried.

"Of course—_OM_—" Whiplash replied as he half swam, half _ate_ his way across the floor, the whip wrapped around one of his arms once more. "—NOTHING WILL STOP ME FROM—_NOM_— ENDING YOUR REIGN!"

My eyes went wide and my lips opened wide as laughter began to spill out of me. I rolled on the floor in absolute hysterics. I had come so close to a possible demise, or at least a state where it's likely I would be rendered unable to continue with my fun and here was the pony who was trying to defeat me desperately _eating_ the floor to get to me.

To his credit, he wasn't doing a half bad job.

"_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahaha…_ I must admit this is the most _interesting _battle I've had in eons, Whiplash. You should be proud." I held up another sign. "Have 10 points, oh _hay_," –I flipped the sign around— "Have 50 points! I don't even care." I updated the score board accordingly. I was still winning, of course, but he had bridged the gap in our scores considerably.

"You'll care when I—_OM_— destroy you!" Whiplash cried. He quickly made it to the end of the pudding pit and stepped back onto solid floor. The _pudding_ floor fell off of him in large, viscous globs. All except for his whip which was completely pristine. He took his whip in his mouth once more and quickly jerked his head back, the end of the whip flew up in response, ready to strike.

I grinned wide as Whiplash jerked his head again. I snapped my eagle talon, feeling had finally returned to the appendage. Before Whiplash could follow through on another troublesome blow he and the whip disappeared from my view.

…

'Doesn't make sense?' Why not! I can teleport others at will! It's really quite ea—

…

Well, He had the whip on his personage and—

…

_Sigh_… Alright… so I may have had to resort to a more resourceful method to get rid of the whip. More on that in a bit.

"Oh, what the _**hay**__!_" came Whiplash's angry cry.

I let loose a massive laugh as I made my way to one of the throne room windows and looked out. Far below me was Whiplash, angrily starting up from my twisted castle's equally twisted front door.

"Sorry, Whiplash my boy. Better luck next time."

"Open this door so I can climb back up there and _finish _you!" Whiplash shouted up at me.

I stroked my chin thoughtfully. "_Hmmmm_… I'm thinking '_no'! _ButI will leave you with this wonderful parting gift."

…

What? _Kill him? _Why would I do that? He had provided me with some of the best entertainment I had in a long, _long _time! On top of that, he had opened my eyes to my vulnerability. Perhaps not a pleasant experience, but a new one nonetheless, and better him than someone clever enough to actually succeed in their goal to end my fun. No, Whiplash had done well and he would be allowed to try again.

At the front of my castle, Whiplash readied himself for anything, and indeed, I possibly could have done anything to him. I snapped my talon and a large, golden star that read 'you tried' appeared on his chest as well as a very large, very full, and very lovely gift basket full of fruits and vegetables.

"Am I supposed to trust this?!" Whiplash cried as he motioned out to the basket.

I rolled my eyes so hard the popped out of their sockets and rolled onto the castle floor. "Oh don't worry, you big baby. Most of those are _fine_ and the ones that aren't hardly explode at all!"

"I'll be back, Discord! Mock my words!"

I sighed and smacked my eagle claw against my face, my face stretching and springing back into place as my claw came off. "I'm quite sure certain I _will_ mock them! The word you probably _meant_ to say was 'mark'!"

"It matters little, **fiend**! I'll be back with a _new_ whip and then I will bring you down!"

I frowned as my eyes rolled up to the whip, or rather the brand new hole in my throne room. They rolled up to the hole and peered down. I hadn't been paying attention, but the whip had basically disintegrated the floor of the throne room, and the floor beneath that, and beneath that… falling all the way to the ground level where the stone floor beneath it had transformed back to pain dirt.

I walked back up to my eyes and place them back in my head. After some brief, careful thought I unmade the floor around each hole the whip had made. That done, I levitated the ground underneath the item up to the throne room.

With a snap I appeared back at the window. "WHIPLASH!" I called out after the pony, as he began to trudge away, his gift basket in his mouth.

"_WHHAAAAFF!?" _He called back through the gift basket handle.

"HERE!" I quickly ducked back into the castle and launched the mound of earth at the window. I stopped and tilted the mound before it could crash into the stone frame of the window. As a result the whip flung out into the air and onto the ground. Perhaps Whiplash would think I simply threw it, perhaps he wouldn't think about it. Either way, he cautiously trotted up to the item and inspected it. Once he was satisfied the whip was the one he had walked in with, he let go of the basket long enough to wrap the item around his arm again with his teeth. Soon, he, the whip, and most importantly, the gift basket were on their way back to his home.

…

Why, the gift basket was the most important because I wanted him to feel he had done well!

…

Alright, so there was a few ears of corn I could use to listen in on his conversations and potatoes I could use to spy on him.

…

Well, at least _a few of you_ have a sense of humor!

…

Oh that's easy. I let Whiplash keep the whip because I knew the alternative. I had been around long enough to see power hungry tyrant's rise and fall. Some of them also encountered weapons that were the key to their destruction. Sometimes they'd hide the items deep within a well-guarded location or hide it in a dungeon full of traps. The ones that thought themselves cleverer than that would have it buried randomly in a swamp, or desert and not bother to record its location. I think one even simply lobbed the scimitar that was to be his undoing into the ocean.

Often times both strategies don't work out in the long run. The determined and courageous would often find and plunder these secret areas and bring the weapon to harass or even end their foe once more. The resourceful can often locate a weapon no matter where it has ended up.

No, this way I knew _exactly_ who had the whip and who to be weary of. As a bonus, Whiplash was pretty stupid, so enchanted whip or not, it was incredibly unlikely he'd be my undoing. Once he was too old to keep up the good fight, no doubt the whip would pass to someone else in his family. I simply had to keep tabs on him and what he did with the whip. No need for elaborate dungeons or storehouses someone might break into. No lulling myself into a false sense of security because the whip is in some hole someone would discover in a century or two.

Of course, someone else had _made_ the whip for him no doubt. That was certainly something I had to be weary of. I suppose I could have devoted time to figuring out who that was…

On the other paw, Whiplash had given me something no one and no _thing_ had been able to in all my existence, _a challenge._ I _craved_ another. Another chance to prove I deserved my fun not by virtue of being alive longer or being more powerful than the creatures around me, but that I could outsmart them. I welcomed this change and the feelings of empowerment it brought.

Still, it dawned on me that perhaps I could attempt to improve myself somewhat. My power had got me far, but I was aware it had limits. Perhaps it was time to see if I could rise above them. To see if I could turn myself into something greater than I was.

Besides, how much of my power was invested in the creation of this planet? How much had I sacrificed to speed things along? I had no idea, but perhaps I could find out and even reclaim some of this energy.

So instead of looking outward for the next threat, I looked inward in the search of power. A search that would allow me to uncover truths about this planet I had not yet comprehended. Truths even about the cosmos itself. A search that would draw unexpected attention from creatures I had never seen before. Things beyond this world.

Little did I know it was not the whip or magic like it that would be my undoing, but my own search for self-improvement that would lead up to my imprisonment at the hands of Princess Celestia and Luna.

And it all started when I went back to the beginning, when I looked back at that formless mass of Chaos that I had come from…

…

What? I _told_ you this would be a long story! You should have gotten a snack!

Discord recounts his exploits as a newly formed being, provides insights into his motivation, and talks about one of the greatest foes he had faced while he ruled Equestria over a millennium ago.


	2. Chapter 2

Chaos Vs. Order

Chapter 2: I Told You That Story so I Could Tell You This One

* * *

With Whiplash and his troublesome weapon no longer a concern for now, I pondered my next move. First, I cleaned house a bit, mostly by removing almost everything inside the castle to reclaim the minutia of power invested in the various rooms I had created. I was now simply floating in a massive, empty stone structure, devoid of interior walls or floors. I considered removing the castle in its entirety, however I believed that might encourage too many distractions.

Usually I'd welcome something out of the ordinary, or a friendly or perhaps not-so-friendly visit from anypony, but I had to face the fact that I was not as invincible as I had once thought. The castle had forced anypony who had come to face me to make it through a number of challenges, each one more bizarre and unexpected than the last.

Most fell to one of the traps along the way where I would simply teleport them out, along with a far less flattering star than the one I gave to Whiplash as well as a much less extravagant gift basket.

…

Why, if a pegasus or some other flying creature came by I simply rearranged the floors and waited at the bottom. It was all rather simple to change for me really.

Speaking of change, I also toned down much of the ongoing chaos going on throughout Equestria. This also helped me consolidate my power better. Shame really. Vegetables and fruits would stop their uprisings. Outhouses would cease campaigning for better treatment. Rocks would become far less entertaining pets. No doubt this would make many ponies suspicious of what had happened to me, but I still had plenty of other chaos going on to make it clear I hadn't gone anywhere.

I had hoped the move might have bought me a brief reprieve from Whiplash who'd possibly at least believe he had inflicted more damage on me than he really had. Perhaps he'd wait to see if even more of my power faded before making another move.

Though no doubt with a slight reprieve or at least an easing up on chaos across Equestria, Whiplash and others might better organize an offensive in time. However, I was _sure _they would take some opportunity to relax, or at least as much as they could with furniture that barked and needed to be walked from time to time.

As my powers pulled inward I began to look inward as well. Focusing and trying to reconnect with that primordial chaos I had been so many eons ago. Funny in hindsight how quick I was to leave it. It was so joyful to have substance and depth to my world, that I had no problems abandoning that swirling mass of energy. But now the world was a very different place and I had a very different perspective. I had spent so long being something other than what I once was, I could scarcely remember how things were.

Of course I couldn't simply _permanently return _to my old form. I had changed myself into something corporeal long ago, and while my own body was something I still felt I could freely alter and change to my whims, the idea of abandoning it seemed problematic; Both in terms of the effort it would take and also considering the fact I didn't _want_ to do it in the first place. While what was _me_ was perhaps still subject to change here and there, I did not wish for such a drastic change.

Still, if there was a time when I could still be energy but concentrate on holding a physical form, perhaps now the inverse was true.

I focused on changing my tail to energy, followed by my limbs, then my body. Soon, I was nothing but a head floating atop of swirling red energy, and in a short time I wasn't even that.

At first I was aware of nothing but myself, only able to sense that I was now energy. Quite the departure from when I originally achieved awareness, even without sensing the world around me I still had my sense of self. Little by little, I realized how vast I was, or rather how _stretched_ I was. In this state I could feel tendrils of my energy reaching out into Equestria as my subconsciously maintained my fun across the land. Once I had established a feeling for myself, I began to slowly _feel _the air around me, or more specifically, the air _molecules_around me_. _Other matter came into focus as I felt out with my extremities. Once I was aware of what was immediately around me, I concentrated further, bringing more and more into focus. I decided to see what my limits of what I could focus on was, and then the world flooded into view in one great, _terrible_ instance.

I felt as if I was aware of _everything_ and yet nothing. I could sense every molecule, every _atom _in Equestria, yet there was _so_ much information I could scarcely make sense of it all. My mind, such that it was, was now accustomed to the same types of stimuli the other creatures of the world used, and this was nothing short of sensory overload.

I returned to my _normal_ form almost immediately. Sweating and breathing heavily as my reformed heart beat rapidly in my chest. Funny how I needed not circulatory system nor respiratory system, however having both once more was quite the comfort.

It seemed I was capable of omnipresence… At least in the most basic sense of the word. However, there was no way for me to make sense of all that information, it was simply too much. Even reaching out to feel what was going on in the farthest reaches of my influence was of limited use to me. I could sense every molecule, sure… but it had been so long since I had thought in _terms_ of such small units that to actually piece together what was going on based on that seemed _far_ more trouble than it was worth.

It was much easier to simply teleport myself to the location… or even, say, just my eyes and ears.

Still, there was something to that form, something that made me think more experimentation was warranted. I may not have been able to make direct use of the ability to sense everything, the fact remained that I could. I wondered what the reason was, and resolved myself to try again.

And try again I did, this time concentrating more on scrutinizing my immediate surroundings than seeing how far I could reach out. I _felt_ the air around me once again. Molecules of various gasses mixing and bouncing off each other in a swirling mass, but the question remained as to_ how_ I could tell what they were. I was quite aware of how they worked. I had watched life on this planet begin from its earliest stages and watched as everything from a basic sense of touch to something as complex as an eye formed.

Obviously, as a being of pure energy, even a temporary one, I had none of these things, so how was it I was able to feel each atom that composed each molecule? Of course I could _always_ do this. My earliest memory was realizing what matter was, but I never thought to question how I knew that. Especially since at the time the very concept of 'sensory organs' hadn't occurred to me.

I concentrated further, focusing my attention on a single patch of air, then a single molecule, and finally a single atom. One single atom of nitrogen, in this case. I concentrated until I could feel the energy of the tiny amount of matter itself, or rather, where the energy ceased. In the moment I realized that it was the energy of each individual atom I was feeling.

I suddenly remembered the moment I had realized my existence. Feeling something besides myself for the first time. What I had felt was energy coming together in a unique way to form the first bit of matter. What's more, now that I returned to my original form, I realized I could _sense_ all the energy of the planet and beyond. This was different from any of my other senses. It was like the energy was almost an extension of myself.

A startling thought occurred to me. Could it be that inside every little bit of matter was a part of me? Was it possible that I was part of everything and everything was a part of me?

… Yes, do you like that, my little ponies? The feeling of _me_ inside of you?

…

Alright everypony! It was just a joke! Calm down… Also, could someone _please_ revive Fluttershy?

Potential revelations aside, I did not spend much time pursuing or even dwelling on the idea that I was part of all things and vice versa. I simply found the idea undesirable. I had spent eons crafting who I was, and once more I was _happy_ with who I was. I had no need to go on some sort of existential journey of self-discovery. All I needed was more power. Hopefully enough that weaponssuch as Whiplash's whip would be unable to harm me.

I hadn't yet given up on this path potentially leading me to something useful. I decided to explore my affinity with energy further. I reached out again, but instead of looking out in all directions simultaneously, I concentrated my focus in a single line. I _felt_ out as far as I could, my awareness passing through different elements and atoms as I continued onward. Eventually, I started to feel less and less, as the matter grew farther and farther away from each other.

Soon, I felt nothing at all.

At least, that's what I thought at first. But there was something… the tiniest traces of energy…

No… not just energy, but…

_…Magic._

It was faint but it was there. It was as if even around Equestria trace amounts of magic remained. I _had_ to explore more. At first I went about seeing how _far_ the magic went, but afterwards I reeled in my concentration in and discovered the magic didn't simply _begin_ where Equestria ended. No… I could feel it even as I sensed matter. It wasn't simply their alongside everything either… it was _in _it.

Inside everything, every pony, every tree, even every rock, stream, and air molecule was magic.

I spread out my senses again, but this time focusing only on one thing, magic. It was everywhere! Simply everywhere on and in the planet! Flowing and shining and filling every little molecule with bits of mystic energy. I could even feel that some things had more energy than others. Some ponies even had more magic than others, some _rocks_ had more magic than others! It was amazing, and breathtaking, and just _endlessly fascinating_. Yet one thing seemed to have far more magic in it than anything else I could sense.

Me.

I reverted to my physical form. Somehow it felt odd to be solid again, to be _me_ again. I even brought up my paw and talon and simply stared at them for a bit. I wasn't looking for an existential question of who or _what_ I was, but it was there… There like a shining supernova set amongst dimly glowing stars.

At first I did nothing, and then… I laughed… Not a mere chuckle, chortle or even guffaw, but a lengthy _howl_ of laughter that reverberated off the stone walls and ceiling around me.

_**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…**_

…

… Pinkie stop laughing, you're ruining my moment here.

… Now where was I…?

Ah, yes. I was energy. I _was_ magic. Alright, maybe I wasn't exactly the physical embodiment of it, but I certainly was made of quite a lot of it.

And what's more, there was lots of it out there.

I _very_ briefly considered figuring out how to take magic from something. I mean, I was surrounded by ponies, and ponies where all rife with the stuff. On the other hand, I've never been _terribly_ fond of direct harm, and draining the magic from beings that used it daily, many without really even knowing it, seemed like a pretty harmful thing to do.

Even taking the magic out of things that weren't living felt uninviting. There was no telling what would happen. Plus, my involvement had helped create this world, and aside from being mostly on the _dull_ side without my direct influence, I rather liked it. I saw no reason to change it for what would most certainly be the worse.

Besides, magic was _everywhere_. I had _plenty_ of options and I had just discovered the basic nature of magic in Equestria. I mean, it couldn't hurt to do a little more research before I started playing with what seemed to be the very fabric of the world.

I left an almost exact replica of myself at the castle. Only the very astute would be able to tell it was nothing more than a construct made of a thin material arranged in a series of tubes kept in constant motion via a magic fan that constantly blew air through it… You know, provided 'not very astute' meant blind and willing to accept I did little more than blow air and wackily wave my inflatable tube arms around.

I discreetly left for the very edge of the world itself… you know… as discrete as a giant rocket that shot me into orbit could be…

…

… Alright, so _'being discrete'_ isn't my forte! Anyhow, it was doubtful the ponies around me would take_too_ much notice of such an act. I would occasionally launch things into the sky for my amusement or throw myself 'I love being me parties' complete with fireworks. Also, there was still little things out of the ordinary going around in Equestria here and there. The butterflies that would scream obscenities at any pony that startled them the littlest and also most out of the ordinary.

Once I was outside the world, I again turned into energy. Once again, I sensed nothing but my immediate self, but as I concentrated further I could feel _strings_ of myself reaching back down to the planet below and my various creations. I ignored these, it was what was around me that I was interested in.

I again sensed the barely noticeable trace amounts of magic around me. I concentrated on a bit of magic… this was much harder than it might sound like. Sure, I had spent eons looking at and examining the very structure of_everything_ even from the tiniest, little minutia of mater, but this was different… an energy beyond any I had really looked at before… and yet so _very_ familiar.

I could feel the magic moving slightly… just… drifting through the empty cosmos away from Equestria.

It almost seemed as if it was radiating from the very world of Equestria itself… No, not radiating exactly… but drifting, flowing… The magic was _moving_ like a slow current. I stretched my concentration out further… the magic was indeed moving through Equestria but that was not its source… It seems this _stream_ of magic ran through the very planet… as if Equestria was a lake of magical energy and the water moved into and then _out_ of this massive pool at a constant rate.

A sudden idea hit me, or perhaps a question or series of questions to be more accurate. What was it that made me different from this magic? I could tell I seemed to be mostly made of the stuff, and back on Equestria it seemed so familiar that it almost felt like an extension of myself. Could it be there was almost no difference between this substance and the magic that somehow had coalesced into part of my being? Was it possible to change the very fabric of myself? Perhaps into something more akin to the substance around me? Would I be able to change back if I did?

This was a dilemma to be sure. On one talon, it's possible I could expand myself with what seemed to be a limitless river of magic, on the other paw, how easy would it be to lose part of me, to lose _all_ of me to this stream? This was _certainly_ a problematic situation that considered careful thought, research, and planning.

…_Hahaha_, sorry no… I did it on the spot, concentrating and changing part of the very magic that made my being to match my surroundings. It turned out to be surprisingly easy. To my relief, I could still feel that changed pieces as part of 'me', though there was a sensation of this bit of myself flowing away with the current and mixing with the energy around it. I decided not to push my luck and transform the energy back to its original state. This was also a success.

Interesting, but it had left me with no more or less power than I had had before. At least, I certainly didn't_feel_ different.

So I repeated the process, once again changing my magical make-up and allowing part of me to drift briefly through the cosmos. This time I would attempt to convert some of the other base magical energy with me. I pushed the change in my own energy even further, blurring what little distinction there was between my converted energy and the energy around me until it was almost one in the same. When it seemed even a slight change would cause my energy to simply become one with the magic around it and drift away, I changed it back this time attempting to _grip hold of_ some of the magic it had begun to mix with. I hoped I could bring this magic into myself and make it as part of me as the rest of the energy that I was made of.

… Success.

It was small but it was there… So I did it again, and again… slowly taking in these minute amounts of magic. Absorbing magic from the very edge of the world before it left towards _wherever_ it was going. Another magical world perhaps… perhaps it went nowhere, simply drifting off into the infinite cosmos. Maybe I'd take the time to find out some day, but it was still too much fun in Equestria, and I had just discovered how to make myself even _more_ powerful. Possibly limitlessly so!

It was not a quick or easy task by any stretch of the imagination, but it was working. With each little addition of magic I could _feel_ my very _self_ become stronger. My thoughts felt clearer, sharper, and I felt like even tasks I had done countless times before could be done with more ease.

Maybe this wouldn't be considered a significant change by most standards, but I had spent eons with the same, static amount of magical power at my disposal. The slightest minutia of change was noticeable to me, and it felt_incredible_.

I hoped this would give me the edge I needed over Whiplash or anypony else who showed up with a troublesome magical weapon to fight me.

To my great surprise, this would happen much sooner than I anticipated. It had felt like I had just barely begun before I felt a disturbance back at my castle. Seems, somepony had either gotten curious or had already had plans to pay me a visit.

I quickly teleported back to the near vicinity of my still empty castle. Normally, I would simply teleport to see which pony had showed up, however Whiplash's little visit had curbed my impulsiveness a bit. It was clear to me I had more power than before, yet I didn't know if it would be enough to directly deal with a threat.

As I popped back up a short distance away, I also shrank myself to no more than the size of a mouse. It seemed almost comical that I was sneaking up to my own lair, but the game had certainly changed. I certainly wasn't going to let a little thing like pride be my undoing. I had lived long enough to see plenty of beings fall simply because of their own overinflated opinion of themselves, and I wasn't about to forget this world contained at least _one_ real danger.

I drifted through the cool night sky up to one of the windows on the top floor, peaking my head up over the bottom. The castle was still empty, there should have been no trouble with me seeing what had happened inside. When I looked, I had almost wish there still _was_ something to block my view, for what I saw caused my heart to get stuck in my throat and my body to go numb.

…My doppelganger… laying lifeless and listless on the linoleum ground level of my lair.

…

… Alright, yes. I _did_ say the floor was stone earlier. I was simply on a role.

…

… See! Pinkie gets it!

Anyhow, my look-alike sat on the ground with a number of holes punched through it… it was perforated… poked… punctured…. pierced… penetrated… pricked… Has anyone else noticed how many 'p' words there are that mean the same thing?

…

…Thank you, Pinkie Pie. At least _somepony_ appreciates attention to alteration!

…

… Alright, _anyhow_ I looked over my fallen look alike as a deep sadness came over me. No longer would he gleefully dance in place, flailing his arms about without a care for anything! His existence was as brief as it was one of a kind.

As unique and one of a kind as _this_ exact copy of _that_ exact copy you see before you now.

…

… Alright, fine, no melodrama… _Party poopers_…

I fought the urge to rush up and mourn the passing of my copy. Somepony had clearly done this and there was a good chance they were still here. It was certainly _me_ they were after, and as great of a stand-in my doppelganger was, it seemed unlikely that would be enough to satisfy some pony who came here to put holes into things. Especially if those things where me…

…

Well how would you phrase that?! 'If those things where _mees_?' Now that just sounds silly…

Anyhow, It was then that I caught a glint in the corner of my eye. I turned and there was something reflecting the moonlight in some shadowy corner of my castle. My eyes being unable to tell me much more, I closed them and concentrating on feeling the magic and energy of whatever it was.

I sensed something I could easily identify as a pony. However it wasn't what I sensed, but what I couldn't sense that reminded me once more what fear felt like. Whatever the pony had brought with them, I couldn't feel at all.

I opened my eyes just in time to notice an arrowhead sailing towards me. With not a split second to spare, I lowered my head into my torso.

The giant, from my perspective, arrow sliced through the bottom of the stone window frame as if it was nothing and sailed right over my head. Missing me by what was possibly only a hairs width or two.

For a brief second as the arrow passed, everything went numb, everything went dark, and all my other senses went away as well. It was as if for an instance I had merely stopped existing. Thankfully the moment passed along with the arrow.

I felt head on my face and my heart pump in my chest. That was close, and who knows what that arrow would have done to me had It found its mark.

"Come out, tyrant," a voice called out. "Come out and face your fate."

The voice was not unfamiliar to me. Yet another would-be pony-hero who had made it his life's goal to stop my fun. Longshot was his name. A gray-pegasus with a short, silver mane and tail who had worked out how to use a bow and arrow using his teeth on the arrow and string and forehooves on the bow. Usually this was awkward to do _at best_ for a pony, however Longshot was never one to let a little thing like the _odds_ get in his way of trying and even practicing at something exceedingly difficult. As of such, he had spent years becoming a master at the bow and could use it with a skill that easily rivaled those with opposable digits or magic.

Longshot called out once more, "The terrible and powerful Discord hiding? Pitiful…"

Normally I'd probably quickly magic up some sort of reprimand, like turning the ground Longshot was walking on into itchy slime or expired milk, but I was having a little trouble thinking through the frantic fear and possibility of death… I tried to calm myself and think of _anything_ that could give me the edge.

_Alright, Discord think, think… you have __**eons**__ of years on this pony. There's got to be plenty you can do to get the advantage here… So what if he's armed with a weapon that's possible lethal to you and honed his sense so well that he can probably hear a sparrow take flight from a mile aw—_

A thought occurred that though I was still about the size of a mouse, I was breathing heavily. Somehow I managed to get past fear into a state where I was acting on impulse. I quickly closed my eyes and began feeling out with my other senses, clearing my head just in time to feel the wall behind me began to fade as an arrow flew straight through it.

Rather than dodge one way or the other, I made a hole in my body and spread myself out, turning myself into something of a doughnut just in time to have the arrow sail right through the empty center of me. Again, its proximity caused a numbness in my body, but it passed quickly. I watched this arrow fly off into the distance like the other. Then it was nearly silent once more, the only sound was my labored breathing.

_No… no good… I'm giving myself away. I'm… I'm thinking __**too**__ much like one of them… Time to switch things up a bit…_

I disappeared… or rather, I _teleported_, but instead of reforming myself to my corporeal self I instead reformed as pure energy and magic once more.

Maybe it was the threat of defeat, maybe it was my new increase in power, or even figuring out I could sense magic, but a very important thought had occurred to me.

As much as these corporeal being had entertained and fascinated me, it finally dawned on me that I had spent_so_ much time thinking like, and perhaps even _being_ one of them that I had been limiting myself.

Well, no more. I was time to start thinking outside the fleshy, mish-mash of creatures, box. I started by feeling out the magic around me, and more importantly, the magic around Longshot.

Once again I felt the magical energy of every rock, every bit of air, even the pony himself. However, what was_most_ intriguing was Longshot's arrows. At first, it seemed I couldn't sense them, only their absence like several arrow shaped holes punched in reality itself, but as I concentrated I noticed the magical energy around them seemed to be… _flowing, _notunlike the magic that surrounded Equestria…. No… not flowing exactly, but being pulled into the arrows… almost as if the arrows where some sort of magic drain in the ocean of Equestria's magic… That's why I felt numb around them and Whiplash's whip… their weapons were designed to literally drain magic, and judging from _how_ the magic was flowing into them, the stronger the magical source the quicker they drained.

Well, I decided that would simply _not_ do. The arrows _had_ to go.

I noticed a slight shift in the magical energy, something I perceived as Longshot moving… speaking even. Sadly, I could not hear him. Well I couldn't have that, talking with my foes was one if the best parts of their little visits. I simply _had_ to rectify this… though, there was no reason I had to simply appear before Longshot in my full form. With a little thought I shifted enough of my physical self-back to hear Longshot…

…

…_Sigh_… Yes, I did, in fact, just materialize a pair of floating ears… But it worked!

"… the great Lord of Chaos actually hiding?" I heard Longshot say. He was clearly getting a bit impatient and attempting to flush me out of hiding. Still, as cool and collected Longshot tended to act, there was a reason I enjoyed his little visits. I devised and materialized a way to converse with Longshot.

…

…Hah! Wrong, it was _more_ than one mouth! Otherwise Longshot would have pinpointed it and took a shot at it. Probably hit it too. No, I needed to distract Longshot from the task at hoof. Focused and armed as he was, he was actually a major threat.

"… Don't tell me the mighty Discord is afraid of a paltry few arrows."

I chuckled. "Now why would I be afraid of chicken arrows?"

There was a brief moment were Longshot turned, his arrow knocked as he clasped it in his mouth and held the bow with his forehooves. This was followed by a much longer and more entertaining moment of Longshot looking around in confusion at the multiple sources of my voice _and_ dwelling on what I had said.

"What?!" he cried as he grabbed the arrow with one hoof and allowed his bow to relax once more. "No! 'paltry', p-a-l-t-r-y."

"Well, they look like regular sized arrows to me…" I replied.

"That's not what…" Longshot furrowed his brow. "Stop it! Your mind games won't work on me!"

"Oh?" I said in an inquisitive tone. "Seems to me they're working quite well…"

"Yeah… well…" Longshot trailed off as he attempted to formulate a proper response. "They _haven't!"_

Good, I had thrown him off slightly, but there was still the problem of what to do about his weapons. I could just teleport him away from them like I did with Whiplash, but I loath repetition. My magic couldn't interact with them directly, so clearly I'd have to use the environment. I decided to keep Longshot distracted as I formulated a plan.

"Haven't what?" I asked.

"Worked!" Longshot said angrily.

"_What_ haven't worked?"

"Your mind games!" Longshot cried.

"What about them?"

"THEY HAVEN'T…OH, THAT IS **IT**!"

"What is i— _AH!_"

I cried out in pain as Longshot quickly re-knocked the arrow, pulled his how bow back, and fired. His speed and reflexes where simply remarkable. I didn't even have time to act before an arrow shot right through one of the many mouths I had hidden in the shadows of the empty castle. Even with me spread out like I was, the mouth was still part of me, and I felt a sudden numbness as well as a dull ache as I returned to my full, material self along one of my castle walls. I was woozy on my feet. Defeat seemed _certain_! All it would take was one arrow and I could very well be no more! The self-styled Master of Chaos himself, Discord, brought low by a few well-placed shots! My very existence _wiped_ from the face of…

…

…Right, sorry. Just trying to build a little dramatic tension.

"_HA!_" Longshot cried. "You were careless!" One of Longshot's wings unfolded as the tips reached out along his back. "Now to… to…" Longshot frowned and glanced behind him. "HEY!" he cried as he noticed a he was now sporting a particularly adorable pink backpack in the shape of a pony with button eyes.

"Looking for this?" I asked as I held up the quiver in my lion's paw as my arm went from a long, stretching limb to a regular sized one. My distraction had brought me enough time to swap the item without Longshot noticing. Thankfully _it_ wasn't made up of the same substance as the arrows. That being said, it took much of my concentration just to hold the quiver upright. My paw had gone numb just from the near contact and even my head felt a little fuzzy from the arrow that actually hit me, or _part_ of me rather. I simply rotated the paw, dropping the quiver ceremony and took a few steps forward. At least the arrows were safely out of Longshot's reach.

Longshot continued to stare at me with a determined look on his face. "You're clever, chaos lord, but not_nearly_ clever enough." With that, Longshot placed his bow into his mouth and began trotting forward slowly.

I frowned. I was so fixated on the arrows I didn't even notice the bow itself seemed to be have the same magical draining properties. It made sense of course, I could have easily rendered the arrows almost useless if I had simply turned the bow into a snake or some such. Seems Longshot still posed something of a threat…

Lonshot took a step forward—

"OWCH!"

—and stepped right onto a the metal head of a rake I had just created, causing the wooden handle flying up and hitting him in the muzzle.

… A threat, but not such a big one I couldn't have a little fun…

"WHAT TRICKERY IS THIS?!" Longshot cried as he took flight, allowing the bow to drop into his forehooves.

I smirked. "You really think a little thing like flight will save you from the _rake_ribution?"

With a _whooshing_ sound like something quickly moving through the air, Longshot quickly looked behind him. The backpack I had given him held a rake high above his head and began to bring it down. Longshot quickly brought his bow up in-between the yard tool and his head. Usually this act would easily have blocked the blow, but in an odd turn of fate, the part of the handle which hit the bow simply ceased to be on impact and the top half of the rake continued its journey. The heavy metal head made a satisfying _thud_ as it hit Longshot on the top of his crown.

"_ERK!_" Longshot cried he fell slightly as the blow dazed him, however he quickly recovered enough to maintain flight.

I have a hearty chuckle, or a guffaw, if you will. _"Hahahaha!" _Oh the ponies who came after me where always_so_ serious, it made taking them down a few notches all the more satisfying.

While not the hardiest of the species, a seasoned pegasus could take a few hits and few were as seasoned as Longshot. He simply swung his bow behind him, smacking himself in the back as much of his new fashion accessory was simply unmade as the bow passed through it.

Though he seemed to be sporting a lump on the top of his head and a trickle of blood from his snout, Longshot looked as determined as ever.

I snapped my talon and created several dozen rakes a few feet above Longshot. They floated in mid-air above him briefly, giving him just enough time to look up and notice them. He then shot me a deliciously dirty look before I allowed the rakes to fall. Longshot was soon brought to the ground by a rake-alanche.

I laughed again. "_AhHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA_!" Oh, this was _so_ much fun! So _what_ if my existence was in danger? What was the point of existing if I couldn't have fun, and what was the point of existing if I couldn't be challenged from time to time?

Speaking of being challenged, the rake-heap began to stir. I could even see the tip of Longshot's bow as anything that touched it simply ceased to exist.

This wasn't good. As frustrated, bruised, and battered as Longshot was, I knew he was far from throwing in the towel. Anypony who made a habit of visiting my castle was used to a barrage of rooms that tested both mental and physical endurance. Also by simply moving his bow through the rake pile, Longshot was uncreateding my magic. I _could_ simply teleport and keep my distance and eventually tire him out, but no doubt Longshot and other ponies would find the tactic a bit cowardly. If word got out that I was afraid of these items, who knows how quickly more would be made and how many ponies would hound me day and night and quasi-night-day when both the moon and sun were up at the same time which was a thing I made a mental note to do.

I could always simply kill him as well, but that might also make him something of a martyr to rally behind. That_also_ meant more ponies with weapons after me. Thus far, I was able to have my fun without killing anypony, and despite my rampant altering of reality for these ponies, refraining from murdering any of them outright certainly kept many if not _most_ of the species from rallying around ending my fun.

Besides, even the most boring live pony I have ever met was endlessly more entertaining than the most interesting dead one.

After some brief struggling and turning the rake-heap into a random pile of scrap metal and pieces of wooden handles, Longshot emerged victorious, if covered in bruises. He looks as angry and determined as ever.

"Your magic is no match for my willpower, evil-one!" He cries as he reads his bow. "You may bury me in landscaping tools a mile deep! I shall still… shall still…" Longshot trails off, no doubt noticing my newest addition to the castle. "…Wait, what is that?"

"Oh, it's just your biggest fan," I said as I patted the several story device I had created. A device, that was in fact, a massive, box fan pointed directly at Longshot.

Longshot shot me another priceless look as I switched the giant fan on. As the fan blades spun, a mighty gust of air picked up the rake debris and blew it to the opposite wall of the empty castle. Longshot leaned down and attempted to walk forward against the wind, but it was no use. His light weight worked against him and he was soon airborne without intending to be, and his flapping aided him not as he was thrown _smack_ into the castle wall. The hapless pegasus was soon pushed flat as the wind held him in pace.

To his credit, he had done an excellent job of holding onto his bow up until the point. However, once he was against the wall the item slipped from his hoof. If it were a regular bow, this would have likely meant the heavy wind would keep it in place on the wall. In this case however, the very real wind produced by the very magic fan pushed the very magic-negating bow through the very magic wall.

I smiled wide at Longshot, he grimaced at me… I mean… I think he grimaced, with the wind it looked more like a dog sticking its head out of fast moving pony-drawn carriage.

I snapped my talon and I was outside the castle. Hovering within feet of the weapon which could have been my undoing.

I clasped my eagle claw and as I did the very _real_ earth around the very magic-negating bow engulfed it in a very round sphere of mud and dirt. Now, this only meant there was little more than a well compacted dirt and mud pile separating anyone from the bow, but I could easily stop Longshot before he got to it if he decided to dig it out.

Not that he'd really have an opportunity to do so with the giant fan on.

With the threat neutralized, I decided to clean up a little bit. My empty castle was full pieces of rakes, a torn backpack, the quiver, arrows, the stone tiled floor, some random planks of wood, a barrel, a beach ball, a dear scare, a cat statue that's supposed to bring you good luck …you know… things one might create on a whim so they had more to roll up with their giant dirt ball.

The doors of my castle flew open and the fan disappeared. Longshot fell to the ground, dazed and confused as I began to roll my ball over each item. Each item stuck to my ball of earth as it grew ever larger and larger. I sang a happy tune, something that seemed appropriate for rolling up items into a large sphere. "_NANAAAAAAAAAAA NANANANANANANA NANANA-NANANAAAAAA, NANAAAAAAAAAAA NANANANANANANA NANANA-NANANAAAAAA…_"

Longshot merely scowled at me as his quiver and arrows disappeared into the ball of items. Unmaking bits of a few, but getting rolled up into the mud that composed the base of the stuff-sphere. He continued to sit and give me a sour look as I picked up more and more items. A few bricks from my castle wall even made their way into the sphere.

My lair all cleaned up. I stood by my stuff-sphere proudly. At this point it was easily twice my height and as big around. Longshot continued to sit and glare at me, no doubt waiting to shout one more one liner along the lines of my days being numbered, or my end coming… something cliché like that.

"Well?" I asked. "Aren't you moved to tears by the size of this thing?"

"Are you finished wasting time?" Longshot replied an in an annoyed tone.

I smirked, opening my mouth slightly from just behind my large fang. "Why Longshot, how can I waste time when I have all the time in the universe?"

Longshot scowled. "You may think that now, but your—"

"Yes, _yes_, my time is running out…"

"—days will soon be at an…" Longshot paused as he considered my words.

I chuckled. "What's wrong? Upset that I came up with a better retort to myself than you did?"

"Silence, devil! Your words mean nothing! For I shall return with another set of weapons to destroy you with!"

"Oh, you'll come back with another little toy?" I asked with interest. "What's wrong with the one you have?"

Longshot narrowed his eyes. "Do not mock me! You have sealed my weapon away!"

I turned and looked at my ball random item. "It's just a little dirty… and covered with stuff. It's still good."

Longshot gritted his teeth. "Yes, but you have possession of it," he growled out.

I shook my head. "Oh, my dear, _sweet_, mistrusting Longshot. Why would I keep your little arrows and bow? They don't match _anything_ in my wardrobe!" To demonstrate, I pulled out few ensembles, a regal set of robes, a jester's tights, a dazzling dress, but not the sort of things you'd walk around with a bow and a quiver of arrows. "You'll get your toy back and all these lovely parting gifts!" I said motioning to the stuff-sphere. I pulled a hollow, orange cone with a flat base from the clutter ball. "Like this thing!" I eyed the item closely. "Wait, what the heck is this?"

"The weapon that is to be your destruction?! You'll return it to me?! What trickery is this?!"

I tossed the orange cone behind me, it sprouted a large pair of brown wings and flew off… presumably to be with its own kind. "Silly Longshot, tricks are for foals," I said with a smirk. "You will have your weapon back because I would very much like you to try again at some point."

Longshot scowled. "You have a death wish?"

I gave a mighty laugh. "_**Hahahahahahahahahahaha**_…" My sides left my body and floated to orbit where I would return to soon. "No, no, no, my little pony." I smiled wickedly at him. "I honestly don't think you have much of a chance. However, it's possible you have a _slim_ chance of defeating me, or even harming me…_This_ intrigues me. As of such, you will be given opportunity, so you desired." My smile widens. "And I _do_ so love our little chats."

Longshot looked over me suspiciously. "What is this new game you are playing with me? I'm not interested in being your puppet."

"No, no game…" I said. My lips began to quiver as tears poured down the sides of my face. I motioned to my flat, flaccid facade of myself that was now floating courtesy of my fountain of tears. "This is about him!"

Longshot flapped a few feet off the ground as my tears flooded the insides of the empty castle. "What about that ridiculous thing?"

I pulled a red polka-dotted handkerchief from one of my pockets…

…

… Yes, I have pockets! They're so useful!

…

… I honestly don't get why you're surprised! Spike has pockets!

Anyway… where was I…? Oh, yes! My double who had in all likelihood fought valiantly even as many an arrow pierced his thin body! No doubt flailing his arms and torso about in a desperate gambit to frighten his opponent or entrap them with his hypnotic movements!

I dabbed at my tears and blew my nose. "We _have_ to lay my friend here to rest! He's earned that much!"

Longshot looked down at my flat look alike briefly then back up at me. "You want me to bury him?"

"Actually, I think he'd prefer cremation…"

Longshot chuckled darkly. "You want me to set it on fire? I will have no trouble granting that request."

"Oh Longshot, my dear, _dear_ friend. I want you to do much more than _that!_ My esteemed comrade here fell bravely in the line of— _Don't you roll your eyes at me, Mister!" _I said sternly, pointing a claw at my ill-mannered guest._ "You killed him, the least you can do is hear me out! _Like I was saying before someone's_rude_ reaction… He shall be honored and you and I will conduct a proper funeral for him!"

"WHAT?!" Longshot exclaimed. "I _know_ you are crazy, but that is an _absurd_ and humiliating request! No! I won't do it."

"Do you want your toys back or not?!" I shot back.

Longshot sighed heavily. "How do I know you'll keep your word? How do I know you will not simply mock me further after we have completed your ridiculous services for this—" Longshot paused as he stared down at my lifeless doppelganger "—thing?"

I motioned out to my double once more. "And besmirch _everything_ my counterpart believed and stood for?! Oh Longshot, you wound me." I grin and before Longshot knows it, my lion's arm is resting on his shoulders and my face is next to his. I tickle his chin with a talon as I smile. "I mean _emotionally_ of course. You failed to_physically_ harm me."

"Away from me, chaotic one!" Longshot cried as he pushed me away with his forehooves. "If a few minutes of misery is all it takes for me to have another chance at revenge, I will put up with this ridiculous farce!"

I nodded solemnly. "That's good, 'ridiculous' was Flaily's favorite type of farce."

Longshot gave a heavy sigh as he stared out into open space with a grumpy expression.

"Yes, that's good. A _perfect_ attitude one should have while attending a funeral."

With a snap of my claw, the empty castle was now full of pews and guests! Such as Longshot… and the stuff-sphere!

I also created a coffin made of incense-cedar for my dear, dear Flaily…

…

… I had an open casket ceremony then cremated him afterwards!

…

… 'Waste of money'?! I made the coffin out of magic! _Look_, stop distracting me this is a very emotional memory for me!

Anyhow, a podium to stand at and a lovely suit for myself, black for this very somber location.

I addressed those gathered before me, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered her tonight to say farewell to someone I know has touched all our lives in a unique way we shan't ever forget. Flaily had many traits worth listing. He was stalwart, dedicated, energetic, stretchy, inflammable… an incredible dancer. However, I think I'll simple miss seeing his happy face most of all … I… _sniff_ … I promised myself I wouldn't cry…_WHOUAAAAAAHOUAAAAHOUAAAAHOUAAAHOUAAAAAAAA! _Oh it's not fair! TAKE ME INSTEAD!" I cried at the heavens.

Longshot gave yet another sigh. "If only…" he muttered to himself. He continued to stare grumpily into space, seemingly trying for some sort of record regarding how far he could push out his lower lip. I placed my lions arm across his shoulders and wept for my fallen friend, tears began to soak my black veil and black dress.

…

…Yes, I was also at the podium wearing a suit… How exactly is this hard to follow?

"I'm… I'm sorry…" I said from the podium as I brought a handkerchief up to my nose. "_**Phphphphphbtbtbtbtbtbt! **_Flaily wouldn't want me to cry. He'd want me to stay strong, to stay flexible and go with the flow, as he was so accustomed at doing… And now his closest friend Longshot will say some words…" I said as I motioned to Longshot.

"Me?!" Longshot cried as he motioned to himself. "_Closest friend?!_"

"Well, he only existed for a few hours!" I cried. "The only two being he knew where you and I!"

"A few hours?" Longshot replied in a slightly confused tone. "I scouted and observed your castle for_days_ before I made my move! That silly thing was there the entire time!"

"Oh?" I said in surprise. I began to wonder if I really had been gone for that long. It didn't seem like I had been away for very long. And yet… it made some degree of sense. Longshot's interruption was so sudden. It seemed odd that he'd strike so soon after Whiplash.

"Just a moment…" I said to Longshot.

"Do I have a choice?" he asked.

I chuckled to myself. "No, not if you want your toys back."

Longshot continued to stew angrily as I looked up towards the castle ceiling. I quickly closed my paw then opened it again, opening a hole in the stone ceiling as I did.

This exposed the moon, which I noted was now several phases further along than the night I had fought Whiplash. Excluding the very unlikely chance the unicorns where switching up their boring and predictable day tracking system, it seemed Longshot was telling the truth.

Also, I remembered my idea of making the moon and sun show up at the same time and made another mental note to start messing with the moon phases… and figure out some other fun things to do with the sun while I'm at it. I figured that would be a nice, easy way to get those stuffy unicorn's all hot and bothered. Not to mention anypony else who relied on the sun on the moon for time tracking or anything else… which pretty much meant everypony.

Pranking the entire world aside, it had seemed I had spent roughly a week up in space collecting energy. Though it didn't seem long at all, I had somehow lost entire days. I suppose this made some degree of sense. Who knows how many millions or billions of years I had spent as a being of pure energy? Eons spent simply observing dust collect and mass into something more interesting. If anything, I was fortunate I had only lost several days. Still, I'd have to endeavor to keep better track of time up there. Perhaps I'd hold off messing with the unicorns boring and predictable celestial time tracking system…

…Or… you know… just make a magic watch with a minute hand, millennium hand, and an eon hand so I could still mess with ponies still….

…

… 'How do know what time it is?!' I just told you! It's a _watch_! It _tells_ time! Aside from being fashionable, that's literally _all_ it does!"

…

… 'Time of day?' Why I merely created a microscope so I could check the progress of the millennium hand as it very slowly moved across the watch face.

…

… OF COURSE IT'S CONVOLUTED! I'M THE LORD OF CHAOS! I CAN'T VERY WELL HAVE A REGULAR, BORING TIMEPIECE, NOW CAN I?!

… Now where was I? Ah yes, sorting out how to best track time. Speaking of losing track of time, I must have sat thinking about the best-worst way to use a watch for a bit, because Longshot began to lose patience.

"So… can I go now?" Longshot asked.

I turned and scowled at him. "Don't you have a eulogy to give?"

Longshot shot what must have been is hundredth glare for the evening and trudged up to the podium. He began to address the crowd of mourners in a somber, if irritated sounding tone, "Flaily existed for many days… He_er_… flailed a lot… I would say this was pretty much all he did…"

The me from the pews cried out, "AND HE WAS SO GOOD AT IT, TOO!"

"Anyhow, he flailed his body and arms out endlessly until he was shot with several arrows—"

"HE DIED DOING WHAT HE LOVED!"

"—and then he flailed no more…"

"_Whouaaaahouaaahouaaahouaaa!" _My voiced… _erm_… the me in the pews voice dropped to a whisper._ "So beautiful!"_

"There!" Longshot cried. "I've played your silly game! Now return my weapons."

I smiled. "Of course, a deal is a deal after all." I snapped my talon and the pews, the me in the pews, the podium, my suit disappeared, and even some of my castle disappeared. All replaced by a rather large, wooden catapult that held the stuff-sphere in its round, scope-like bucket. With part of my castle now removed, it had a perfect shot out into the open land around me.

"WHAT TRICKERY IS THIS?!" He turned and leveled an accusatory forehoof in my direction as he flew up and off the ground slightly. "We had a deal! I attend your ridiculous funeral for your silly toy and you return my weapons!"

I nodded as floated over the catapult, grabbing the leaver in my talon and paw. "Yes, and you shall have them! But what guarantee do I have that you won't turn around me as soon as I return the items?"

Longshot narrows his eyes as me. He paused slightly, then placed a forehoof against his chest. "You have my word as a warrior that I won't turn and use them on you immediately."

My eyes widened in surprise. "Why Longshot! That's so very noble of you!" My lips suddenly parted into a wicked grin. "But since I already broke out the catapult."

"**Discord!** **Don't you**—"

I pulled the leaver. With a mighty _snap_ the catapult arm flew up and the stuff-sphere sailed high into the night sky, far away, and out of my bushy-eyebrows.

Longshot gave me a delicious defeated sigh. "—dare…" His toys now far away from him he gave me an angry glare. "I suppose you expect me to fly after that?" he said as he motioned out in the direction the stuff-sphere had just gone.

"Oh, of course not…" I said as I grinned wickedly and quickly turned a graped the spokes of a wheel, turning it and wincing the catapult arm back into place. I snapped my fingers and suddenly Longshot was wearing a helmet and also found himself in the bucket of the catapult. "I'm more than happy to send you to its locations."

Longshots eyes went wide. "Wait! I do not desire your help! I can fly after the items myself!"

I chuckled as I grasp the lever. "Oh don't be silly! It's no trouble at all Now… _go long!_"

I pull the lever and the catapult snaps up, throwing Longshot in an arc after the stuff-sphere.

"_**DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**__SSSCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrd…_" Longshot cried as he desperately flapped his wings to control his flight. Despite his protests, I knew he could do this quite easily. He'd just do it far, _far_ away from the castle. This would discourage him from flying back immediately.

The castle now quiet, I sighed as I looked down at my body, my sides still notably absent. "All that time, and he never mentioned my slimmer figure_ once!"_

I snapped my talon and both coffin and Flaily disappeared in a quick but brilliant fiery blaze. I snapped again and a my large, trusty thinking tree sprouted from the ground, lifting me high into the air with one of its many, large, leafy branches.

Though much smarter and a bit more eloquent than Whiplash, Longshot certainly didn't create those arrows or that bow on his own. The plot was coagulating to say the least. Some very smart pony had worked out how to defeat me and was arming the most tenacious of those who sought my end. The thought occurred that I might have to start being a little more proactive about these weapons, otherwise I might end up facing a mass of Ponies all armed with something that could harm me…

… Then again, while ponies where a fickle species, they could be a _tad_ predictable at times… I had a feeling meddling with the heavenly bodies would bring the source of my recent troubles right to me. I placed a giant door-knocker on my castle entrance, a tasteful brass peace modeled after my handsome features with my long, forked, dangling tongue as the knocker. I also set the moon and sun to the middle of night-day. I then departed back for the edge of the world to collect my sides and more magical energy.

Now that I knew the weapons worked by draining my very magical essence, I knew I needed more. Dodging arrows and whips and surprising ponies with giant fans and teleporting them away from their weapons would start to show them I feared these items. I needed to show the ponies I could overcome their little trick in a very direct way, and once I had I would revel in my victory as I had no victory before.

…

… 'Why?' Oh, that's simple really. There simply is not greater victory than beating someone at their own game.


End file.
